What’s Gone

The annual up fronts were presented in New York City a couple weeks ago.

For those not in the know, that means that all of the networks have released their currently planned schedules for the Fall. Without a doubt, some things (like the days and times of shows) will change before September rolls around. Other things, though, won’t be changing at all.

One of those totally done deal things is what shows won’t be coming back.

As is often the case, in the graveyard are some shows I really kind of liked.

Here’s the rundown of what you won’t see anymore.

ABC

• Big Shots – No surprise here. The show lacked the spunk and chemistry of other shows kind of like it (say, for example, Dirty Sexy Money)
• Carpoolers – I really don’t know who thought this show was funny to begin with. Thankfully, I won’t have to worry about being accidentally subjected to it. I do hear that Jerry O’Connell has something else in the works, though. Hopefully, it’ll be better than this.
• Cashmere Mafia – Can’t say I ever actually watched this. Sure, Lucy Liu was a bit of a draw, but I chose to dedicate my distinctly non-masculine TV time to Candace Bushnell’s Lipstick Jungle.
• Cavemen – The first episode had me thinking they were going to be witty with this show. The second episode shattered those hopes. The third episode was already one too many. Is anyone surprised this didn’t make it through the season?
• Just For Laughs – Another Candid Camera-type prank show bites the dust. Nothing will ever top the original. Allen Funt, we salute you. (And we also apologize profusely for forgoing wit in the name of cheap laughs.)
• Men in Trees – While this wasn’t the worst show to hit the air a couple of seasons ago, it never really grabbed me. It always felt like it was trying to be a gender bent Northern Exposure.
• Miss/Guided – Somehow, I managed to miss the few episodes of this show that actually saw the light of day. Can’t say I heard anything good about it, so there’s no surprise it’s not coming back.
• Notes From the Underbelly – Wait, this show didn’t get canned last year? Wow.
• October Road – Thought this one was already long dead, too. I liked the premise, but the execution was bland.
• Oprah’s Big Give – Wasn’t this kind of like Brewster’s Millions, except not quite so funny?
• Women’s Murder Club – Managed to avoid this one. Not even the premise reached out to me. That’s OK, though, since I wasn’t their target audience. Of course, it looks like they missed that target, too.

CBS

• Cane – No surprise here. It was just too much of a rehash of those grand 80s prime time soaps with nothing new added except drug dealers and Latinos. Hmmm… maybe that was the problem: negative stereotyping. Just couldn’t make it The Sopranos, I guess.
• Jericho – The tenacious little show that just almost could. It’s really a shame that they had to squeeze two seasons worth of story into a truncated second season. There was plenty in this show that could have kept it going for a full three seasons. Unfortunately, there weren’t enough eyes on this gem of character and sociological exploration. Get it on DVD when it’s all available.
• Kid Nation – Much better and more inspiring than I had originally expected it to be. Not surprised it won’t be back as I’d imagine it’s a PR and insurance nightmare.
• Moonlight – Aw, shucks, the most whiny vampire I’ve ever seen won’t be back for another season? I didn’t even make it through half of the run this show had… and I like vampire shows!
• Power of 10 – I will shed no tears for most idiotic game shows that don’t come back. This one is no exception.
• Secret Talents of the Stars – There’s a reason these talent were kept a secret. Seriously.
• Shark – While I generally love James Woods, I wasn’t drawn in enough to add yet another quirky lawyer show to my plate. Apparently, neither were enough people to keep this one swimming.
• Viva Laughlin – Very rarely have I seen a show canceled quite as quickly and decisively as this one. I never even got to catch an episode. You’d think they would have learned with Steven Bochco’s Cop Rock that musicals don’t fly as television series ideas.
• Welcome to the Captain – I vaguely remember hearing about this show a year ago, during last year’s up fronts. As testament to CBS’ promotional acumen, I didn’t even realize it was on back in February. Therefore, I will not miss it at all.

The CW

• Aliens in America – Never did catch the show, but it looked like an interesting premise. I heard good things but, as is so often the case, that’s just not enough.
• Beauty and the Geek – Not surprising. I also won’t be surprised when it suddenly shows up again, even worse than it was this season.
• Crowned – Yeah, beauty pageant reality show. Don’t care. Won’t miss it.
• CW Now – We didn’t need another entertainment show, especially one that was network branded.
• Girlfriends – Once upon a time (like back in its first season) I watched this show every now and then. I thought it ended a couple of years ago.
• Life is Wild – Hmmm, an American remake of a British TV show… that only works one out of every five times its done. The Office beat them to that win.
• Online Nation – It was like FARK, only a week out of date by the time it hit the air on Sunday night. Oh, and it was on the wrong type of screen to even stand a chance of surviving.
• Pussycat Dolls Present – Another reality show bites the dust. Maybe it would have done better on Fox… you know, a network known for it’s kind of trashy displays.

Fox

• Back to You – Never liked it. Maybe Grammer and Heaton will do something better next time around.
• Canterbury’s Law – I wanted to like this show. It had a bit of an edge to it, but, in the end, it was just another lawyer show trying to be something more. Not surprised it’s over.
• Nashville – Reality-type show. Didn’t even make it past two airings. Never saw it
• New Amsterdam – This is one of the shows I’m sad to see go so quickly. The premise was interesting (a non-vampire guy who can’t die until he finds his true love) and the execution was fantastic. At the end of the season, the story threads were just coming together. It should have gotten at least another partial season just to let that momentum follow through.
• The Next Great American Band – Maybe if they keep dying so quickly, we’ll eventually never have to be subjected to these bad talent shows again.
• The Return of Jezebel James – Sadly, I can’t argue this being canceled. I wanted to like it a lot. Lauren Ambrose and Parker Posey should have been a winning team, especially with Amy Sherman-Palladino at the helm. And yet, the few episodes that aired lacked something. (Something more than the horrid continuity–I swear they were in an apartment in the first episode, a house in the second and then back to an apartment in the third, or something like that!)
• Unhitched – This is Fox trying to reclaim its Married With Children mantel, isn’t it? They failed.

NBC

• 1 vs. 100 – Another flash-in-the-pan “greatest gameshow ever” bites the dust. They should spend less money on fancy sets and flashy lighting and focus more on the “game” part of “gameshow.”
• Amne$ia – See above. But at least this was kind of interesting.
• Bionic Woman – Again, I wanted this show to be good. But it wasn’t. After an OK start, that became more and more apparent as the episode crawled by. Always remember: if the lead is out-acted by your first guest star in the first few episodes, you’re in trouble.
• Clash of the Choirs – Seriously? Church choirs? We’re supposed to be excited?
• Journeyman – Much like New Amsterdam, this show should have been given at least another partial season to continue the narrative momentum it was building. In fact, of those two shows, this one was better.
• Las Vegas – I used to really enjoy this show. Then I think it either started taking itself too seriously or got a wee bit too over-the-top soap-opera-ish. Either way, it probably should have gone off into the desert and died a season or two ago. Around when I stopped watching it.
• My Dad is Better than Your Dad – Way to encourage sensible behavior in our youth. It was like Family Double Dare (from way back when) without the positive feeling.
• Phenomenon – As someone who really like stage illusion and is also a fan of psychic stuff, I had high hopes for this show. They were quickly dashed. Sure there were some daring stunts that went on, but that’s mostly what they were–stunts. The skill in most competitors was lacking.
• Quarterlife – A good show that hit the network at a bad time and wasn’t quite promoted correctly. Why on earth would you promote the show to the online audience who’s been watching it online? They’ve already seen it! When you move it to the Toob, you should be targeting those who weren’t savvy enough to have caught it before. Use the online community as your biggest advocates! Alas, the show died a quick death when it hit the broadcast deck when no one was watching TV anyway due to the strike.
• The Singing Bee – Quirky and fun, for sure, but nothing that would ever last past that novelty stage. especially when there was another show on with exactly the same premise. Better to just go out to karaoke on a regular basis with some friends.

So, that’s that for all those shows.

Next time, we’ll take a look at what’s going to be new–some of them starting in less than a month!